


The Pink, On-Fire Elephant In The Room

by VitaLupum



Category: Ylvis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VitaLupum/pseuds/VitaLupum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vegard is really, really done with being referee. Disclaimer: Calle and Bård are not in a relationship.  This is total fiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pink, On-Fire Elephant In The Room

"What is  _wrong_  with you two?!”

Bård and Calle looked up in suprise to see Vegard stood over them, not glaring but rather staring wide-eyed and frustrated. He looked like he was ready to tear his curly black hair out.

"You have been sat on opposite sofas, not looking at each other, refusing to speak, all day!" he snapped, and Calle looked at Bård. The younger Ylvisåker turned his head away, and Vegard growled in frustration.

"Did you have a fight? What happened?" he said, folding his arms, and Calle shrugged.

"Fucked if I know why Bård’s  _sulking_ ,” he muttered, and Bård’s head turned so fast that it clicked and he had to spend a few minutes clutching at it and swearing silently before pointing a finger at Calle, then changing his mind and pointing at Vegard.

“ _He_ ,” he said, waving towards Calle, “wouldn’t know why I’m sulking, big bro. Because  _he_  wouldn’t notice the elephant in the room if it was bright pink and  _on fire_.”

"Wait, what?" Vegard asked, bewildered, and Calle turned to Bård, eyes narrowed.

"The elephant in the room? How about we talk about the fucking _five-year-old_  in the room? Because it’s you!  _You_  are acting like a fucking five year old!” he snapped, and Bård looked scandalised.

"Do we want to talk about years? Really?" he snapped, and Vegard looked from one to the other, very confused.

"Years?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, we do, Ylvisåker!" Calle snarled. "Because grown-ups talk about shit! Children sit in the corner with their lips all pouty like  _this_ -” He folded his arms and gave an exaggerated pout; even Vegard had to admit it was a very good impression of an angry Bård, “-expecting someone to fucking mind-read!”

"Oh, we’re doing  _impressions_  now?!” Bård was practically screaming, blue eyes steely. “Let me do an impression of you! Oh wait, I  _forgot_  how! I  _forgot_ … wait, no, that  _is_  an impression of you!”

"I guess I  _forgot_  that you were a total fucking child, Bård!” Calle bellowed, and there was a smash as Vegard dropped his glass. Both of them turned to him, and recoiled slightly as they noticed that he’d gone white apart from his cheeks, that were bright pink.

“ _I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, but you both need to get a grip_ ,” he said, his voice so quiet that they both leant forward in unison to hear him. “ _Because you are both acting like **fucking children**_!” Bård jumped in shock as Vegard bellowed. “Grow up! What next, are you going to start throwing fucking cushions at each other! Am I supposed to mediate this fight or something? Am I meant to fucking referee? Ah yes, Calle called Bård a five year old-” He mimed holding up a scorecard inches away from Calle’s face, and the blond man recoiled quickly. “-ten fucking points! You do this every time you argue and I am  _so fucking sick of it and you both need to get a fucking grip_!”

He stopped to breathe and became aware that the two men were staring at him.

"What’s bugging you?" Bård asked slowly, and Calle shrugged.

"He seems stressed," he said, and Vegard stared in disbelief as Bård nodded at him. "Maybe he needs to chill out?"

"I agree," Bård said, and put a hand on Vegard’s shoulder. "You alright, brother?"

Vegard screamed and ran out of the room, leaving Calle and Bård staring after him. Then Calle looked at Bård, and Bård sighed and moved to sit next to him. Calle wrapped his arms around him, and pressed his lips to the other’s fluffy, soft hair.

"I’m sorry I forgot our anniversary," he murmured, and Bård squeezed his leg.

"It’s okay," he sighed, and then began to laugh.

"What are you giggling at?" Calle asked, smiling, and Bård cackled.

"Vegard’s so angry," he giggled, and Calle rolled his eyes.

"If there’s one thing that’s better than pissing you off," he grinned, "it’s pissing Vegard off."


End file.
